at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
50% drunk capacity currently
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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