At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
