I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
