i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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