i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
