I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i will never coherently bang her
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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