I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
