someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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