Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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