im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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