We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
