Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
