this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
