Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
