I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
