Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
