I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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