home. puking in laundry basket.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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