I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i drank out of a bidet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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