just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
