Just cropdusted the office
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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