why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
