She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
