my shit smells like andre
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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