i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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