His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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