so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
