she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
