So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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