yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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