got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
