this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
