Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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