Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im part way to drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
