just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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