if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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