Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
