OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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