If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
