That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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