I cannot find my penis.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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