If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
