I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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