he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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