Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
