I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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