Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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