OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
