so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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