We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So vagazzling was a success
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