you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
