holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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