Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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